How to Be Brave in Business and Life

After reading Reshma Saujani's book, Brave, Not Perfect, I was eager to start a discussion on how to be brave in life and business.

Saujani explains that girls and women, in particular, are raised - and subsequently rigged - to be perfect. We are praised from a young age for being kind, making others feel good, doing the thing that gets the most applause. We are told that we are “sensitive” and should be “cautious.” 

While it’s not altogether bad to be pleasant or helpful, Saujani argues we’re not encouraged to step outside of our comfort zones, to take risks, or to push back like our male counterparts. 

In turn, before we even hit adulthood, we have been conditioned as YES people, which has all sorts of trickle down effects in business and in our personal lives. 

Inspired by Brave, Not Perfect, I am eager to show you what can happen when we ditch the expectations that were ingrained in us during childhood. To that end, I’m sharing 6 tools you can use right now to activate your bravery muscle.

FLIP THE SCRIPT

First, let’s consider what happens when we flip the script and begin to model what it means to be brave in business and life.

Much like the power of a smile, modeling bravery has a ripple effect; it’s contagious. 

Can you recall a time when someone stood on stage and delivered a speech that you felt you could have given, only to kick yourself later because you stayed small and didn’t have the courage to share your message? Or how about the time a colleague launched a new podcast with such grace and a beautiful imperfection that you wished you could have accepted in yourself and delivered? Or that time that your friend put on a fabulous virtual conference and you walked away feeling like you, too, might be able to tackle such a thing? 

That’s the power of getting brave. 

Not only does it fill you with confidence, but it empowers others to follow in your footsteps. When you show up bigger (and others see how perfectly imperfect you are and that you’re okay with it!!), it gives them the permission they felt they needed to get courageous. Just imagine how many women you can inspire by learning how to be brave in all aspects of your life. 

In Saujani’s book, she guides the reader through a series of strategies to activate that bravery muscle even when we don’t feel brave. In this blog, I’m sharing several of hers along with my favorites.

THE POWER OF YET

This is one of my favorite words! Use “yet” and your world opens. The possibilities become endless.

“I’m not a good cook.”
“I am not the kind of person who speaks up at a networking event.” 
“I am not going to do live video.”

Watch what happens when you activate the power of ‘yet.’

“I’m not a good cook… yet.”
“I am not the kind of person who speaks up at a networking event… yet.” 
“I am not going to do live video… yet.”

Do you see how the first example is playing down the opportunity to become or learn something new (like cooking) by labeling what she is not? The second example shows how to break out of the boxed-in definitions we’ve given ourselves by using ‘yet’ to open the door to that change.

WHAT SCARES ME MORE?

This strategy is useful when you’re exploring two options and feeling stuck or held back by fear. Saujani says: “It’s a strategy we can use to put fears into perspective by shifting our focus from what scares us about taking action to what scares us about not doing something.”

For example:

“I’m scared of going live on Facebook.”

OR

“I’m scared of having never been seen.”

Which scares me more? 

To do a livestreaming on any platform means you have to be vulnerable; you have to accept that you may have a hair out of place or say the “wrong” thing. 

To not do a livestreaming, and to never be seen, means that your brilliant ideas - the ones only you can bring into this world - remain within you, never to be shared with others. 

Which scares you more? 

NIX THE NEED TO PLEASE

Remember that we, as women, are raised to say YES, to please those around us, and to bring cheer to the room. Our need to please runs so deep that the only way to set this strategy in motion is to try it: stop saying yes when you don’t want to.

Without paraphrasing Reshma’s words, because they capture the essence of this at its core:

“It had literally never occurred to me that it’s perfectly okay if I’m not liked or understood by some; those just aren’t my people. … The more comfortable you get with doing, saying, and being in your truth, the less you’ll get caught up in what others think of you.” -R.S.

YES! YES!! YES!!!

The next time you feel the urge to do something for the sole purpose of pleasing someone when it goes against your own moral compass, values or inclination, kick that urge to the curb!

You can start by not saying anything at all. When you get an email with an opportunity or someone asks something of you directly, don’t respond right away. Take a moment to breathe and think about what you want before you answer. If you’re still not sure, tell them you’ll think about it (because you will).

LEARN HOW TO SAY NO

Saujani says that saying no is “one of the biggest challenges we face on our path to becoming brave, but it’s also the most gratifying.”

Every time you say yes to one thing, you are inevitably saying no to another. 

Saying yes to that 5pm happy hour networking event = saying no to dinner with the family.

Saying yes to that woman who wanted to pick your brain over three cups of coffee = saying no to 2 hours of critical work time.

Saying yes to helping Aunt Sally move furniture around her house for 3 hours = saying no to your client who needed you then, too (and the income she would have brought you).

It’s okay to be a giver. I am absolutely not suggesting that you cannot continue to serve others, to give of yourself and to say yes. 

I am, however, suggesting that you cannot continue to show up for others and not for yourself.

So, when asked to do something or be something for someone else, I encourage you to first ask yourself: Is the yes in alignment with my bigger visions, dreams and goals? Does it take me away from family or loved ones or compromise one of my values? Does it compromise my livelihood? 

Listen to what comes up and trust the answer in your heart, even if it doesn’t seem like the logical choice. It’s the right choice for you right now.

LOVE ON YOUR SISTERHOOD

If there’s one message you take away from this blog about how to be brave in business in life it’s this: 

There is nothing more brave than cheering on those around you, even when you have not reached your own goals or even when you’re not feeling great in your own skin. 

The gift of loving on your sisterhood will come back tenfold. They will give you unending support as you ride the waves of entrepreneurship and life. Love on them and they will love on you. And, you’ll see how incredible it feels when you reach out to lift up others.

So, what’s next?

As with anything new, practice makes progress. So I hope you will adopt these six strategies and start acting brave. Because when you act brave, you will become brave.

Oh, and, grab the book: Brave, Not Perfect is an important read for all teens and women.